?

Log in

Request for Editing/Feedback and Update - You're Not The Only One [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
politivate

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Request for Editing/Feedback and Update [Mar. 22nd, 2005|02:48 pm]
politivate

politivate

[hermia8]
Hi All,

Craig and I met last week to discuss website/portal options and decided that we would go with his homemade portal, Portallus. We also decided that the first features we would work on are an 'About Us' section, a series of categorised links to sites for like-minded organisations and a (for now) manually created calendar of aggregated events for these groups in Melbourne.

I am busy collating groups and organisations we would like to promote/link to etc. If you are part of groups you would like us to link to and publicise events for please let me know (although I will already have major political parties etc on my list, see the series of links from this community info page to get an idea of where I'm at!) and they'll be added, providing they fit the Politivate bill :)

Craig is working on developing the website and completing these parts for our use.

So, currently it's all still pretty mundane work, however, we would love feedback or total rewriting of the following draft examples of the 'About Us' section:

Draft 1
"Welcome to Politivate. Politivate seeks to encourage communication and participation in the area of socially and environmentally responsible politics. We hope to do this by providing a forum for people with diverse political backgrounds, and varying extremes of experience and involvement with Australian politics. There are other people like you. This is the place to find them, share, learn, grow and have fun. Politivate does not represent any one political group or ideology, but rather provides a comfortable way to get involved in any area of progressive politics."

Draft 2
"Welcome to Politivate. Politivate seeks to encourage communication and participation in the area of socially and environmentally responsible politics. We hope to do this by providing a forum for people with diverse political backgrounds, and varying extremes of experience and involvement with Australian politics. There are other people like you. This is the place to find them, share, learn, grow and have fun."

There should also be a bit more along the lines of: "To learn more about who we are, how to get involved, or how to get your political group included in our listings, please click here." But we don't think that will be optional :)

Please give feedback or criticism or a rewrite, anything at all would be wonderful! Thank you :)
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: usuakari
2005-03-22 05:38 am (UTC)
I like number one. "There are other people like you" makes me laugh, and wonder if that will seem like a beacon to neo-nazis or Breatharians, as well as the slightly more middle-of-the-road people but it's still a good thing to have.
(Reply) (Thread)